Am I the only one who feels like today is the 332nd day of January? Sitting down in the kitchen at Mama Sue’s house and in a not so great place emotionally, I thought I would take stock of myself and where things stand for me. No, this is not going to center entirely around my upcoming divorce, but it is important that I start to be strong enough to name it among the things I’ll be living this year.
Something tells me that I can’t be the only one who is struggling right now.
So, let’s get into it.
I sat down and wrote the following email to my tax person today. It’s something I have been actively avoiding in hopes that miraculously I might fix it all financially. And the fact is, I just can’t.
“Hope you’re doing well. I need to file a simple 2024 tax year. For context, I am going to file bankruptcy ahead of the upcoming divorce. I’m just not in a place where I can get out from under this all. I have to give up the car, and I guess this is the rest button I need to get my life started again on my own.”
This is by no means me playing the victim or poor me card.
In fact I did this to myself. I know so many people struggling to pay their bills as well, or put food on the table for their families. Unfortunately, I really did try to ride it out and fix it, but I have come to accept along with other things in my life that are coming, that the only way out is through.
So I will relinquish the car of which I’m behind on payments which I have been making on my own. I will file my taxes to get the amount owing to the government up to date, and I will hit reset on my financial life.
Again.
I say again because I did this once my twenties. It doesn’t go unnoticed to me if the universe is listening that that also came from the ending of a long term relationship where I put the needs of others ahead of my own, to my detriment.
That makes me so fucking uncomfortable to acknowledge. But I have to be realistic.
I hope that this time I learn my lesson, and that I can learn to manage money better at 41 years old and a soon to be divorcĂ©. I’m manifesting a bank to be sent this blog post, and maybe from the ashes of my financial wreck I can land a new *paid* partnership (you have the money, I have the platform. Call me hahahah). That I might learn with the guidance of an expert or financial planner, how to live a more financially responsible and planned life on my own.
I can already hear the chatter when I hit publish. “OMG why is Daniel sharing this?”
“What is _____ going to think about it?”
To be honest, that’s not my concern anymore. I am focused on me, my healing, my actively working on bettering myself and not running from this painful situation in unhealthy ways. That’s not my style anymore. I have put the needs of others, and trying to convince the world of their value ahead of mine for way too long.
A lot fucking longer than most would have in my shoes.
That’s done now.
Plus, all you gossip folk (someone cue up Missy Elliott for me, because, #appropriate) – thanks for the clicks and views babes.
It only helps me succeed when you want me to fail so badly.
I do not plan on being more emotional than I have been over the last year because that doesn’t serve any purpose.
A marriage is over. Both parties lose in my opinion.
For those close friends on Instagram stories that have bore witness to how much this is actually affecting me, thank you for your patience. I’m okay. I’ll be okay.
Now that that’s out there, for anyone who is going through it lately and who wasn’t sure if it is just them, it’s not. A lot of us are struggling and are up against big feelings, big struggles, big changes and big hurt.
I want to remind those of you who feel that way, that the world does in fact feel insane.
You are not alone. Do not suffer in silence. Ask for help.
Tell your friends and family you love them. Do things that bring you joy. Do random acts of kindness without telling anyone about them, just because the world needs it. And don’t ever forget that the world is more beautiful with you in it. Okay?
I see you. I understand you. We’re going to be okay.
Sometimes we have to cry a little longer, a little harder, and for a reason no one understands but us.
That will pass.
So… let’s talk about the exciting things that I am looking forward to!
I have been humming and hawing (I love that expression so much) over the idea of starting a new creative project that is in parallel to #DoTheDaniel but that is entirely new. So, I’m not going to name it because I have literally just landed on my working title and topic I will focus on with guests.
But, I plan on starting a podcast this year. And I have no idea how it will be received, but the thought of starting it makes me excited. And I don’t get excited a lot lately and haven’t for a long time.
Lastly, I am coming home to Toronto. Again, not to jinx it. But I have found a new home, I have a timeline, and I am coming back permanently to start my next chapter. It’s not the one I thought it would be. But it’s going to be mine, and if I’m so lucky, I’ll have you my reader along for the ride if you’re not sick of me by then.
New home. New neighborhood. New friends. New schedule. Eventually, a new companion dog. And a somewhat new Daniel who is ready to stop fighting the currents of the universe, and instead swim into them to see what comes next.
I am terrified and heartbroken, but I am simultaneously focused and motivated.
Gotta love being a Libra.
I need to remind you of the following. Yes, you reading this. And I want this made very clear.
I do not hate anyone, and I DO NOT want you to hate anyone for me.
That is NOT how I plan to let go of this and embrace the unknown ahead.
Also, for my astrology gurls, all the planets align tomorrow and every one of them will be visible in the night sky. For those of you out there who also feel energies / aka my fellow witches — this is a shift, and a big one. It’s time to put into the universe the things we know we deserve and to level up.
It’s time to put down the past, and embrace the future. đź’«
I hope you enjoyed reading this post. If you’re not already, follow me on all social media platforms at @dothedaniel as I share in real time these adventures and so much more!
Don’t forget to be kind & a little more honest with yourself this year