I am sitting at my laptop. Like any other day, I have had too much coffee for my own good. I have a notepad with a handwritten list of things that I need to do. So many of them now beyond late, screaming at me from the page. My inbox just broke 9000 unread emails. I’ve been biting my nails again. I forgot to eat today. Did I shower? I can’t remember. I am so focused on trying to… What am I trying to do? I wanted to be perfect.
I wanted to be the media mogul who never falters. The outlet that never misses a deadline. I wanted to be the success story. The boy who came from a rough life, who made something of himself, that people idolized. The newly blonde bombshell. I wanted to feel sexy again amid a schedule and lifestyle that doesn’t leave me much time to live at the gym for that end game. I wanted to be praised for all of this. I wanted to execute and run a business that made a million dollars in the first year. I wanted to be real with all of you. And to be honest, right now, I don’t think that I’m okay. My birthday is looming and all I can think about is what a failure I feel like. I am not fucking perfect. Continue reading “This is me.”