I recently read a quote that said, “Having anxiety is like when the video game combat music is playing but you can’t find any enemies.” I’m going to add that having depression is like sitting in a dark room and telling yourself that you don’t deserve to turn on the lights. That there aren’t even ones to turn on anyway. I knew that there were people out there who did what they could to combat their anxiety/depression issues but it had never occurred to me to do something for myself back then. I didn’t know about Finest Labs Terpenes, St John Wart, medical marijuana, and so many other treatments for people who needed that support.
This is me.
I am sitting at my laptop. Like any other day, I have had too much coffee for my own good. I have a notepad with a handwritten list of things that I need to do. So many of them now beyond late, screaming at me from the page. My inbox just broke 9000 unread emails. I’ve been biting my nails again. I forgot to eat today. Did I shower? I can’t remember. I am so focused on trying to… What am I trying to do? I wanted to be perfect.
I wanted to be the media mogul who never falters. The outlet that never misses a deadline. I wanted to be the success story. The boy who came from a rough life, who made something of himself, that people idolized. The newly blonde bombshell. I wanted to feel sexy again amid a schedule and lifestyle that doesn’t leave me much time to live at the gym for that end game. I wanted to be praised for all of this. I wanted to execute and run a business that made a million dollars in the first year. I wanted to be real with all of you. And to be honest, right now, I don’t think that I’m okay. My birthday is looming and all I can think about is what a failure I feel like. I am not fucking perfect. Continue reading “This is me.”
What happens when it all feels like too much?
I’ve been mulling over the idea of writing this blog post for quite some time now. For some reason, I think that a lot of us believe that admitting we are overwhelmed and in need of help is a form of weakness. On the other hand, I have always considered myself an expressive person. So in hiding my anxiety, have I in fact been making things worse for myself? I do not claim to be an expert on mental health, so the following post is based upon my personal experiences in the past few months. What I can only hope is that I add to the greater conversation around mental health and what it means to be someone who is suffering with something bigger than just another bad day. Continue reading “What happens when it all feels like too much?”
Realizing I might not be as okay as I thought I was…
January 25th is an important day for Canadians from coast-to-coast. #BellLetsTalk is a day to realize that it is time to end the stigma surrounding mental health. It’s also the day that I stopped and realized that I might not be okay. I like to think I am a strong person, but admitting that I need help is in fact one of the strongest things I have ever done. So let’s talk about what I am dealing with in an open and honest way. Continue reading “Realizing I might not be as okay as I thought I was…”