Some years we thrive. Some years we survive.

In the most cliché way possible, I am getting introspective while reflecting on what a fucking and complicated mess 2024 has been. Full of tears, laughter, loss, love, big fucking mistakes, healing, continuously failing, blowing up friendships, growth, realizations, acceptance… and that’s just to name a few off the top of my head.

But if you’re here for the tea gurls, that’s not the place I write from anymore. Sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting a past version of myself. But I love and respect myself and others too much to keep making the same mistakes over and over more than I already have.

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If you could start over anywhere, where would it be?

I had an interesting appointment with my therapist recently where we were discussing my career, my love life, my sex life, and what I was doing for myself these days. After my birthday in October where I spent it in Toronto busying myself with work and surrounded by people that bring me joy, I got back to Ottawa and completely shut down for two weeks. I turned the world off proverbially, and most days I couldn’t even eat, let alone create content or write or look at my phone to respond to anyone.

Amid the session, I wanted to talk about that burnout and how I was carrying the heartbreak of accepting the life I knew and loved was coming to an end, and how much I am hurting. I also realized that I could look at it as an opportunity to start the life I wanted and deserved. It felt like I was finally clawing myself out from under the past nine months, and I actually took a very small sigh of relief while simultaneously allowing myself to cry as many big heavy tears as needed.

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11 11, make a wish

It’s been too long since I last signed in to touch base with you. Over the course of the last few months (or 2024 entirely, if I’m being honest) I’ve been struggling with the fact that as a writer who has always found strength in my words, I’ve been scared of them more than ever.

If I write them down and hit publish, they become real. They leave my overactive and often times catastrophizing mind. They express truths about my life that I am simultaneously embarrassed and ashamed of, sad for, angry at, and wishing were different.

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