Let’s talk about Social Media vs Reality

It is not by any means a new conversation or topic, but it seems like it’s time for us to have a heart-to-heart about social media vs. reality. While 2021 has blessed me with some pretty incredible changes, one of the not so good parts of my year has been a complete and total creative burnout. Instead of focusing on keeping up appearances over the past six months, maybe I should have invested more in my mental health.

Hindsight. What a bitch

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Five Things They Didn’t Tell Me About Quitting Smoking

One of the things I often think about while I share posts like my fitness journeys over the years is my overall health. While I’ve been many iterations of myself very publicly, there of course is always a certain amount of me that I have kept out of the public eye. Some for the sake of a sense of privacy, but others because I had a sense of shame around them. One of those things in that for a very long time, I was a cigarette smoker.

Almost two and half years after quitting for good, I got to thinking about some of the things that I wish someone would have told me when I was getting ready to finally do it. So if nothing else, maybe this blog post, in particular, might help shed some light on the process and help someone feel more empowered to do the same with some real insights, albeit in hindsight.

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This is me.

I am sitting at my laptop. Like any other day, I have had too much coffee for my own good. I have a notepad with a handwritten list of things that I need to do. So many of them now beyond late, screaming at me from the page. My inbox just broke 9000 unread emails. I’ve been biting my nails again. I forgot to eat today. Did I shower? I can’t remember. I am so focused on trying to… What am I trying to do? I wanted to be perfect.

I wanted to be the media mogul who never falters. The outlet that never misses a deadline. I wanted to be the success story. The boy who came from a rough life, who made something of himself, that people idolized. The newly blonde bombshell. I wanted to feel sexy again amid a schedule and lifestyle that doesn’t leave me much time to live at the gym for that end game. I wanted to be praised for all of this. I wanted to execute and run a business that made a million dollars in the first year. I wanted to be real with all of you. And to be honest, right now, I don’t think that I’m okay. My birthday is looming and all I can think about is what a failure I feel like. I am not fucking perfect.  Continue reading “This is me.”