For my fellow writers and creators, you’ll understand the stress I’m feeling lately.
The thickness in feeling stuck or going against your own current. The moment where your inspiration, energy and desire to create leaves you, and you don’t know when it will come back. Like a piece of you just stepped out for a minute and you’re left looking in the mirror, unsure of what is looking back. Maybe some of you will understand that feeling too. That moment, where all of a sudden, your spark was gone and you just felt stuck.
My recent chats with my mental health practitioner have centered around the fact that I haven’t been taking much joy in things. I work, I blog, I sleep (poorly) and just try to focus on what I’m working so hard for. I am not finding happiness in what I used to. People who said they were friends became acquaintances at best. And if I’m being brutally honest with myself, I don’t feel close to anyone right now. I am so ready to tell the people I love that I love them but that gets complicated too, as life does. I miss a lot of people and things that I once had in Toronto but that’s okay.
Solmaz and Joelle, two of the most amazing human beings I have ever been blessed to know, mentioned how it can feel like pushing a big ball up a hill. And that imagery stuck with me this week and today specifically. Things feel hard. Hard to move out from under. Hard to shake off. And that is okay.
I have had a lot of moments of clarity this year. I’ve laughed harder than I have in years because of good people. I’ve called out people I really needed to be my friend who just stopped trying. And all this hurts to write down because it makes it real.
I’m typing away with my acrylic nails, smiling through the tears as I struggle to type with the pads of my fingers. I am thinking about the chapters of my book just sitting in the folder on my desktop. I’m staring at the bottle of wine wondering if it would be easier to just have a glass of wine and ignore all of these feelings for another night. And I’m learning that it is okay to not fill the discomfort with things and distractions.
My writing doesn’t always help. Sometimes its chaotic and runs in circles around me like my thoughts do.
But here’s where I’ll end this post tonight. If you’re feeling stuck or lost or a little bit empty – just remember that it’s okay. Cry those tears, write out those frustrating hurdles. Laugh at something stupid on TikTok, and put the world down for the night. Take from these words what you need, and if you take nothing, that’s okay too. They are just as much for me as they are for you.
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Don’t forget to be kind & laugh a little more this year
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