I know I really try to lean into the light and fun things about life. I love to make you smile with my content and share in the things that bring me joy. That being said, I am a human being (despite what some haters might say) and I do have feelings on both sides of the spectrum. I’m allowed to be sad, and sometimes even be angry. I know that the world has a lot of changing still to do, but this Pride month has proven to be quite challenging (and triggering) for me. So in an effort to identify and subsequently process those emotions, I thought I would share a few things I’m going to need some of you to stop asking me in order for this to stay a happy and healthy relationship.
Now, this is not going to be the bitch fest it may have once been in my early years of blogging. I’m learning to process and not react so easily to things and people. At the end of the day I have only myself to be responsible for. That being said, it’s time for me to put some conversation topics to rest once and for all.
Just because I am Gay, doesn’t mean I know all things 2SLGBTQIA+
This one is really important for those of you with queer people in your life. If you have a question about a Trans person’s journey, it is probably best to ask a Trans person about it. Or better yet, do the work yourself and don’t be so fucking lazy. I have friends from every walk of life, and I would never be so bold as to speak for their experiences and lived truths. Please stop assuming all gay people know all gay things.
My body, not yours
Comments about bodies are simply not okay. What I chose to share around the topic is my own, and the same applies to what I do not share. I wouldn’t walk into a beautiful house you built and point out a “flaw” that you know is there. I would try to admire it for the hard work it took to build and to maintain. It is extremely problematic that we live in a world that allows us to publicly shame or comment on someone else’s body without any regard for their mental and emotional well being.
Stop asking what it’s like to be in a Bi-Racial Relationship
This one drives me fucking insane. First of all, my husband and I are the same race. We are both human. And while I could try to argue with you all that I prefer the term bi-ethnic, in all fairness that’s probably not catching on any time soon. I love my husband for the man he is and has become since I met him. Similarly to the point above, I would never speak on his behalf for his cultural upbringing, inherited generational traumas or learned behavioral patterns. Just like how he wouldn’t for me. I have actively tried to acknowledge my white privilege in our marriage and in my life. I know that I can never feel the things he has felt, but we are not novelty to be questioned. The act alone begs to the argument that how could we love each other because our skin tones are different.
Read that again.
And please stop asking this question.
Don’t assume that all gays celebrate Pride in the same way, or at all
Some of us are rainbow wearing, big smile loving, energetic beings. Many of my queer friends are quiet and don’t “celebrate” the month like I do, and some not at all. No one way of being gay is right or wrong. And expecting your queer friends and family members to do something based upon this small portion of who they are is diminutive and to be honest, insulting. Not all straight people shop at Canadian Tire and cottage in the Muskokas sipping White Claw listening to Nickelback. So please, don’t make similar statements about our community to force us to fit into your box or concept of understanding.
This Pride has been amazing and hard for me. Fifteen years ago I was gay bashed in Toronto to the point of hospitalization and don’t remember what happened to me. I was very lucky to escape with my life. Many of us in that situation don’t make it, or worse yet succumb to the unhealthy coping mechanisms we develop to numb the emotional damage. Recently a similar act took place. Recently a video of teenagers burning a Pride flag while laughing went viral on social media. For decades our Trans brothers and sisters have been murdered and go unnoticed. Our two-spirited trans brothers and sisters suppressed and colonized, wiped out in acts of genocide. Canada is not the pristine country we all once thought it was. I still can’t donate my blood as a gay man.
But I’m really proud to have the chance to make it a little better. So please don’t think this is me reprimanding you. Perhaps just saying some of the things that your queer friends and family don’t quite know how to say to you themselves. We just want to be loved and considered equal. And if that means for one month, we feel more like ourselves that any other month in the year, who is it hurting?
Don’t forget to be kind & laugh a little more this year, and the next
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