Well that’s a title and a half, isn’t it?
But one that I’ve been giving some serious thought in the first few days of the new year. Over the last twelve months I have chosen to (and at times felt like I have been made to) evolve in more ways than a lot of people will ever realize. From my mental health to the physical changes in my appearance, my emotional fragility (and strength) to staff here at the blog… there’s been a lot of those “aha” moments that have helped me to realize who I am. And what I want in life. There is one moment that comes to mind above a lot of others and today I wanted to take a moment to share it with you all in hopes that it helps to remind you that one moment can make the biggest difference.
Over the last five years since launching the blog, I have tried my best to strive for an approachable perspective to the content we create and the brands we work with. While aspirational, fitness, and fabulous fashion bloggers are some of the best in this industry I call home, that’s just not who we are. As much as it would be nice to be like them all (and to this day I still take time to read, share and support them) I feel as though I have found our niche.
We do what we do, and we do it well. If I do say so myself ?
Over those same five years, I have attended a LOT of events. Some of them delicious meals, others trips around the world, and a lot of the time some kind of fitness component has come into play for the more health & wellness related content. While that is awesome, I need to admit that there was a time when I found it really hard to participate because I simply couldn’t keep up or felt as though I was less than those who excelled during the fitness portion of the event.
Before I continue, allow me to once again state that physical fitness, wellness and health is NOT something I correlate with weight loss or a number on a scale. As someone who has battled the judgements of being in the public eye in the most horrible of ways and in every sense of the word, I never want to redact the bigger picture down to my waist size. So if you’re looking for a before and after post, or the big reveal of a number I have lost, this is not the post for you. My fitness journey has always been in an effort to be happier on a much deeper level.
So let’s take it back to this moment I want to tell you about. It’s no shock to any of you that my fitness journey has changed me inside and out. But I still remember this moment vividly.
I am sitting in the dark room of SPINCO Toronto’s Spadina location. I am finishing my first ever spinning class and I have been made to face the fact that I am not in the physical condition I once was or thought I currently was. I don’t enjoy feeling as though I failed. That I couldn’t keep up. I feel like I have let myself down and in the light of some heavy stuff, I sit in the dark while people stretch and I let tears run down my face.
I have a choice. Like other fitness classes and experiences I have tried for the blog, I can write this one off. I can never come back and my “obligation” will be fulfilled. I shared it on social media and the brand will be happy.
I can try again. I can learn from this experience. I can allow myself to fail or feel as though I have failed (because in hindsight, coming to class that day was in itself a victory. It would take me a long time to look at it that way) but in that feeling find motivation to try again. I can proverbially pick myself up… and I can just try. Not for anyone else. Just for me.
I don’t think you’ll ever know how incredibly powerful that moment was for me emotionally. Even now as I am writing this post, I’m affected all these months later. After all, I am an emotional person. I probably always will be and it’s one of my favourite things about myself at thirty-five years old at this point in my life. But for the majority of my life, I have had people tell me I am a failure. That I am not good enough. That I am not worthy.
That can take it’s toll on you. And I believe that for me, and for many others, fitness can be a way to build physical strength and stamina while working on the emotional and mental aspects of personal growth as well.
The moment that changed my life was when I decided to promise myself to try again. And so I did. And I haven’t stopped trying again and again ever since.
Since that day, I have watched as I fell in love with being more physically active again. I have made incredibly beautiful friends who both work at and attend SPINCO with me. I have found a sense of community that supports me and encourages me in ways I now realize I was lacking. For an hour at a time when I visit one of their Toronto locations, I leave the world outside those studio doors.
If I’m angry, I work through the anger. If I’m sad, I let the tears come. If I’m happy, I smile the whole time. And each of those emotions and moments are equally as important to the progress I have made and the path that I am on. Because I am doing it for me and no one else.
With absolute certainty – and please believe me when I say that although they are a partner and sponsor my classes, this comes from the bottom of my heart – I can say that SPINCO has changed my life. It has reignited something inside of me that I think I lost for a while. And I hope that the courage to share this moment where I could have walked away when it was hard and I failed helps you to remember that the biggest lessons in life can sometimes come from failure.
We must learn our limits in order to become strong enough to one day overcome them.
So in 2019 as I continue on the path of being healthier for myself while sharing it with you all, I know that I am trusting the journey in part to SPINCO. I want you to know that it is not easy. It’s never going to be. But the challenge is one that I think you should take. And if it turns out to not be for you, that’s okay too. We don’t all have that one size fits all (for lack of a better expression) fitness path. But if it’s something that you’ve been thinking about, 2019 is the year I believe in you, and I think you should try.
I’m proud of myself for doing it.
Thank you SPINCO for changing my whole perspective of myself without even knowing it. I owe you so much more than you realize.
If nothing else, I encourage you to check out their website to find their closest studio to you from coast-to-coast in Canada. And like I said, you have nothing to lose by just trying to see if they can help you have a similar experience (albeit maybe less emotional – I’m always going to be this way. You should get used to it!) to the one I have had over the last twelve months.
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Photos: Daniel Reyes & all Social Media accounts listed above
Don’t forget to be kind & laugh a little more this year
Mobile photos were taken with my #HuaweiP20Pro on the Rogers network
*Please note that this is a sponsored post – our disclosure can be found at all times by clicking here.